It would appear that the back pain was not permanent, which is a good thing. Just had one day/night of excruciating pain followed by a weekend of occasional twinges.
It's a funny thing, this pregnancy lark. Half the time I feel like I'm making it up. It's far too early for movement (other than trapped wind and the like) or anything approaching a real bump. The only actual hard evidence I have is those pregnancy tests - which I took now about five weeks ago. Anything could have happened since then. Sure, I haven't had a period and have been having bouts of extreme tiredness and waves of passing nausea interspersed with desperate hunger, but that mostly sounds like me on a normal day. What if I've got it all terribly wrong? That would be gutting.
That said, I am finding it increasingly hard to deny that my breasts (already a hefty 34DD/E) are doing their utmost to bust out of my bras. And over literally the last three days, I noticed something approaching a teeny, tiny little rounding of the tummy. Of course, both of these things can be achieved by a concerted eating of pie (in which I have most definitely been indulging), although the tummy action does feel sort of tight rather than squadgey - not unlike trapped wind. I got a friend to take a picture of it yesterday, in the interests of documenting my transformation into giant belly monster, although the lighting makes me look more like a slightly tubby 'actress' in a somewhat dubious soft-core porno, rather than an 11-week-pregnant woman.
I have my first appointment with the midwife a week today then the Monday after that it's scan time (v exciting) so if all that goes according to plan, and I'm not just imagining the whole thing, then I can go public very soon.
For the first time today, I gave in to nausea, extreme exhaustion, a bit of a headache and a burgeoning cold to call in sick. It hasn't been quite the relaxing day off I hoped for, as I have spent most of it sneezing my head off and being moderately disgusted by my bogeys. But it's probably done me good. I think I've done well to make it through almost my entire first trimester without having a day off until now.
On the advice of a friend, I bought a random bundle of maternity tops on ebay today, 15 quid for seven. In theory, they should be my size and they look quite wearable in the pictures. We shall see if that was money down the drain when they arrive...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Pain and lies
I have done my back in. Not by doing something foolish like lifting something heavy - a cast iron bath, for example, which my mother thought it would be a smashing idea to move when she was up the duff with my brother. No, all I did was cycle in the rain with my work bag slung across my back. Part of the way to my destination, I realised there was something wrong - perhaps I went over a pothole, or twisted and swerved in an inavisable manner...
At any rate, by the time I got to work I was in not quite excruciating but very real pain, leading me to limp like a chimp who has been buggered senseless. Not the best look, but fortunately instead of derision (the normal response from some of my infantile colleagues) I managed to score sympathy and a rather necessary lift home at the end of the day. I'm hoping it's nothing more than a twinge and will be gone in the morning.
Elsewhere, it's astonishing the number of white lies I have had to dish out while the pregnancy remains on the down-low. A couple of my colleagues were discussing the trials and tribulations of IVF in relation to a couple we knew (ish) who had finally manage to conceive in this manner. Me being the only married of the three of us they turned and asked if we were planning to have children. I said 'yeah' in a somewhat distant tone and they somehow took this to assume what I meant was 'one day, but sure as hell not right now'... Then one of the same colleagues was trying to track down pregnant women who were going to be having ultrasound scans and was desperately asking if we happened to know anyone who was pregnant...
"Yes" I cried inside my head, "me!" but of course I remained resolutely unhelpful.
I am spending a fair bit of time googling maternity clothes, pregnancy symptoms and various stages of gestation in my down-time at work but so far no-one appears to have noticed. I am surrounded for the most part by men, which could explain it, or alternatively they could be all unexpectedly discreet. Which I somehow doubt.
It is now only two weeks to my scan so provided that goes okay, I think I can break the news to those not in the know. I had to tell one of my other friends the other day because I am due to be bridesmaid at her wedding in May and she was planning to order dresses. Thankfully, she was thrilled and is happy for me to find my own, individual maternity bridesmaid dress. Hot, n'est-ce pas?
I wonder if anyone has their suspicions or whether they're all completely in the dark. We shall see.
At any rate, by the time I got to work I was in not quite excruciating but very real pain, leading me to limp like a chimp who has been buggered senseless. Not the best look, but fortunately instead of derision (the normal response from some of my infantile colleagues) I managed to score sympathy and a rather necessary lift home at the end of the day. I'm hoping it's nothing more than a twinge and will be gone in the morning.
Elsewhere, it's astonishing the number of white lies I have had to dish out while the pregnancy remains on the down-low. A couple of my colleagues were discussing the trials and tribulations of IVF in relation to a couple we knew (ish) who had finally manage to conceive in this manner. Me being the only married of the three of us they turned and asked if we were planning to have children. I said 'yeah' in a somewhat distant tone and they somehow took this to assume what I meant was 'one day, but sure as hell not right now'... Then one of the same colleagues was trying to track down pregnant women who were going to be having ultrasound scans and was desperately asking if we happened to know anyone who was pregnant...
"Yes" I cried inside my head, "me!" but of course I remained resolutely unhelpful.
I am spending a fair bit of time googling maternity clothes, pregnancy symptoms and various stages of gestation in my down-time at work but so far no-one appears to have noticed. I am surrounded for the most part by men, which could explain it, or alternatively they could be all unexpectedly discreet. Which I somehow doubt.
It is now only two weeks to my scan so provided that goes okay, I think I can break the news to those not in the know. I had to tell one of my other friends the other day because I am due to be bridesmaid at her wedding in May and she was planning to order dresses. Thankfully, she was thrilled and is happy for me to find my own, individual maternity bridesmaid dress. Hot, n'est-ce pas?
I wonder if anyone has their suspicions or whether they're all completely in the dark. We shall see.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A sartorial dilemma
It is, I suspect a quandry faced by all pregnant women at some stage. At nine weeks pregnant, I am a long way from showing and I don't think I've put on any weight yet (or not so you'd notice).
However, two of my favourite pairs of jeans need replacing. Not because of porkers preggersness, but because I've worn them so often they have worn through ever so slightly where my thighs rub together. Nice. My normal course of action would be to replace them. But what with? With normal jeans in my normal size, which would probably fit fine right now but not for that much longer? With normal jeans a size up which will be loose for now but prob last a bit longer when I start to bulge, and possibly after I have the baby when I am still a little bit bulbous? Or with a trendy pair of maternity jeans? I have no idea what they will be be like, I read somewhere you're supposed to buy them in your normal size and they're all stretchy and cunning, but I suspect it's a little early for maternity garb.
I did have a quick shifty at preggers stuff in Dorothy Perkins and they had some uber long hoodies which very much took my fancy. Although obviously that in no way solves my current dilemma.
What to do, what to do. Primark may well turn out to be the answer, as their stuff is so cheap it doesn't really matter if I can only wear it for a few months. Although I really should consider slave labour/the environmentally-friendliness of disposable fashion and all that malarkey.
In other news, the tiredness is almost overwhelming now. I went to bed at 8.30pm last night and when I got up at about 8am this morning, all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Life's not fair.
However, two of my favourite pairs of jeans need replacing. Not because of porkers preggersness, but because I've worn them so often they have worn through ever so slightly where my thighs rub together. Nice. My normal course of action would be to replace them. But what with? With normal jeans in my normal size, which would probably fit fine right now but not for that much longer? With normal jeans a size up which will be loose for now but prob last a bit longer when I start to bulge, and possibly after I have the baby when I am still a little bit bulbous? Or with a trendy pair of maternity jeans? I have no idea what they will be be like, I read somewhere you're supposed to buy them in your normal size and they're all stretchy and cunning, but I suspect it's a little early for maternity garb.
I did have a quick shifty at preggers stuff in Dorothy Perkins and they had some uber long hoodies which very much took my fancy. Although obviously that in no way solves my current dilemma.
What to do, what to do. Primark may well turn out to be the answer, as their stuff is so cheap it doesn't really matter if I can only wear it for a few months. Although I really should consider slave labour/the environmentally-friendliness of disposable fashion and all that malarkey.
In other news, the tiredness is almost overwhelming now. I went to bed at 8.30pm last night and when I got up at about 8am this morning, all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Life's not fair.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Ice, snow and dancing pregnant women
It has been an insane few days. It snowed a lot the other day. A LOT. In fact more snow than I've seen in England ever.
To add to that, my best friend got married yesterday. She doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. It has been virtually impossible to get anywhere, with my car snowed in, the roads covered in three inches of compacted snow and general panic all around. The wedding was one that will certainly go down in history, as the venue had to be changed less than 24 hours before the ceremony, half the people skidded their way to the church and pretty much the entire wedding party had a pair of wellies as well as poncey posh shoes. And struggling the three miles to work in treacherous snow in my wellies has also been a somewhat nerveracking experience, fortunately my husband was unable to get out to his work so carefully walked me there on the worst day.
Anyway, the wedding happened (remarkably successfully in the end) and the day ended with a few more people knowing about the grape. This was an active decision we made. We wanted to tell our closest friends in person, and at the same time, and two of them had trekked down from North Yorkshire. Even though it's still early, my husband really wanted to share it with them.
So we dragged them all into the bar at the end of the night and made the announcement. Cue much gasping, hugging, excitement, rubbing of my tummy (which is exactly the same at the mo as if it was not full of baby) and celebrations of the first group baby. Hmmm, not exactly how I would have christened it. But it was a genuinely lovely reaction, let's just hope they can keep their mouths shut to the rest of the world for the next month.
As for dancing pregnant women - I am a keen salsa dancer and do it enthusiastically (and prob somewhat amateurishly) once a week, bar a little break for Christmas. Classes start again on Tuesday and I wanted to check if it was all good. What I found instead was video after video of dancing pregnant ladies. They ranged from impressive to hilarious. I particularly liked the one which just showed a pregnant belly gyrating to Shakira's Hips Don't Lie. Well worth googling if you fancy a giggle. As soon as I look a bit preggers, I fully intend to video myself working it.
But for now, I am just soooo tired. Being Human is back on at 9.30pm tonight, if I can manage to stay up that long.
To add to that, my best friend got married yesterday. She doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. It has been virtually impossible to get anywhere, with my car snowed in, the roads covered in three inches of compacted snow and general panic all around. The wedding was one that will certainly go down in history, as the venue had to be changed less than 24 hours before the ceremony, half the people skidded their way to the church and pretty much the entire wedding party had a pair of wellies as well as poncey posh shoes. And struggling the three miles to work in treacherous snow in my wellies has also been a somewhat nerveracking experience, fortunately my husband was unable to get out to his work so carefully walked me there on the worst day.
Anyway, the wedding happened (remarkably successfully in the end) and the day ended with a few more people knowing about the grape. This was an active decision we made. We wanted to tell our closest friends in person, and at the same time, and two of them had trekked down from North Yorkshire. Even though it's still early, my husband really wanted to share it with them.
So we dragged them all into the bar at the end of the night and made the announcement. Cue much gasping, hugging, excitement, rubbing of my tummy (which is exactly the same at the mo as if it was not full of baby) and celebrations of the first group baby. Hmmm, not exactly how I would have christened it. But it was a genuinely lovely reaction, let's just hope they can keep their mouths shut to the rest of the world for the next month.
As for dancing pregnant women - I am a keen salsa dancer and do it enthusiastically (and prob somewhat amateurishly) once a week, bar a little break for Christmas. Classes start again on Tuesday and I wanted to check if it was all good. What I found instead was video after video of dancing pregnant ladies. They ranged from impressive to hilarious. I particularly liked the one which just showed a pregnant belly gyrating to Shakira's Hips Don't Lie. Well worth googling if you fancy a giggle. As soon as I look a bit preggers, I fully intend to video myself working it.
But for now, I am just soooo tired. Being Human is back on at 9.30pm tonight, if I can manage to stay up that long.
Monday, January 04, 2010
The Grape
Apparently, that's how big my baby is right now, the size of a grape. Hmm. Is that one of those really nice big juicy grapes, or a tiddler which is really just an oversized raisin? I personally have never seen two grapes the same size. Alternately, I could go by the expected size in millimetres, but then I would have to find a ruler which I suspect would prove one task too far.
I shall just go with it being small. Still v small.
The whole pregnancy symptoms thing is a bit of a mystery. In that there are a number of things that I am experiencing which could be linked to the grape but then, they could be just be stuff. For example, I am constantly tired. Not exactly the first time I have been tired. I am also hungry a lot - a common factor in my daily routine. I did really, really want a cream egg the other day but I suspect that was just greed rather than a pregnancy craving. Although, it is harder to explain away the fact my nipples are uber sensitive to anything from walking fast to putting on a top - or the fact that my belly seems to be acting as a bizarre mini hot water bottle. It's seriously weird, I noticed it first soon after I took the test when I was walking down the road, freezing my ass off when suddenly my belly started radiating localised heat.
I don't know if I feel pregnant yet exactly, it still feels a little surreal. But I have a date for my ultrasound scan which is also marked as the now we can tell people cut off point. Still a month away though.
Anyway, I'm going to curl up with the grape, a big blanket and a trashy film. Does life get any better?
I shall just go with it being small. Still v small.
The whole pregnancy symptoms thing is a bit of a mystery. In that there are a number of things that I am experiencing which could be linked to the grape but then, they could be just be stuff. For example, I am constantly tired. Not exactly the first time I have been tired. I am also hungry a lot - a common factor in my daily routine. I did really, really want a cream egg the other day but I suspect that was just greed rather than a pregnancy craving. Although, it is harder to explain away the fact my nipples are uber sensitive to anything from walking fast to putting on a top - or the fact that my belly seems to be acting as a bizarre mini hot water bottle. It's seriously weird, I noticed it first soon after I took the test when I was walking down the road, freezing my ass off when suddenly my belly started radiating localised heat.
I don't know if I feel pregnant yet exactly, it still feels a little surreal. But I have a date for my ultrasound scan which is also marked as the now we can tell people cut off point. Still a month away though.
Anyway, I'm going to curl up with the grape, a big blanket and a trashy film. Does life get any better?
Friday, January 01, 2010
Smug
Today is New Year's Day, and I am working. The reason I am smug is because for the first time in goodness knows how long, I do not have a hangover on the first day of the year. And the relatively light workload (which will be exchanged for time and a half plus a day in lieu) is a total breeze.
It is, as people seem to have suddenly realised, the end of the decade. I think my life has changed more than it perhaps will at any other time in the last decade. In the past ten years, I have met my future husband, completed my degree, gone to Glastonbury for the first time (then four subsequent times), got my first full-time job, become an aunty, moved in with a partner for the first time, travelled everywhere from Israel and Egypt to Malaysia and Sri Lanka, got married and, in the dying hours of the decade, become pregnant myself.
Of course, this year is set to be a huge sea-change as well, with pregnancy and babies likely to dominate this year then probably at least the following 18. New milestones to look forward to - giving birth (!), leaving my baby for the first time with someone else, kids' first days at schools, then all the things that I did not so very long ago.
I got a letter from the midwife earlier this week, I shall be having my first appointment on February 4. Which is exciting. But I will have to wait until then to know anything more about the bump to be. Maybe I should buy one of those nauseating you and your pregnancy books...
It is, as people seem to have suddenly realised, the end of the decade. I think my life has changed more than it perhaps will at any other time in the last decade. In the past ten years, I have met my future husband, completed my degree, gone to Glastonbury for the first time (then four subsequent times), got my first full-time job, become an aunty, moved in with a partner for the first time, travelled everywhere from Israel and Egypt to Malaysia and Sri Lanka, got married and, in the dying hours of the decade, become pregnant myself.
Of course, this year is set to be a huge sea-change as well, with pregnancy and babies likely to dominate this year then probably at least the following 18. New milestones to look forward to - giving birth (!), leaving my baby for the first time with someone else, kids' first days at schools, then all the things that I did not so very long ago.
I got a letter from the midwife earlier this week, I shall be having my first appointment on February 4. Which is exciting. But I will have to wait until then to know anything more about the bump to be. Maybe I should buy one of those nauseating you and your pregnancy books...
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