The first two weeks

Elodie has been with us for 15 days now. She's totally gorgeous and also unintentionally hilarious - who would have thought that a tiny baby could parp as loudly as an adult? I have been reflecting on some of the things that have surprised me over the last two weeks

*it is (currently) less tiring having a well-behaved newborn baby than being heavily pregnant

*if you don't feed soon enough from one boob, it will go hard, lumpy and may start leaking milk

*dads can sleep through babies crying. Mums can't.

*it is really frustrating not being able to bend down to pick things up off the floor when you drop them

*after a caesarean you will not be able to bend over sufficiently to shave your legs. Mine currently look like a forest.

*every time a midwife has been to my house, she has seen (and handled) my naked breasts

*every time a midwife or health professional gives you advice about anything, it conflicts with what someone else has told you

*to begin with, when you are breastfeeding, you will literally not be able to do anything else. It takes both hands, legs, and a mountain of pillows

*when you take iron tablets, your poo goes black

*despite nine months of abstinence, you really don't feel like getting ratted at all after having a baby. Disappointing, that one.

*post-caesarean, sitting up hurts. Moving too suddenly hurts. Bending over to pick stuff up hurts.

*when you take a teeny baby out with you, everyone looks at it and smiles

It's supposed to take about six weeks to recover from a caesarean - by that token I need another four weeks before I'm fighting fit. The question of sex raised it's thorny head last night. When my husband looked at me very seriously and said 'but I'm not a gentle lover' I pissed myself laughing. Hope it didn't hurt his feelings...